funerary (& personal thoughts)
(I’ve provided personal thoughts on why I wrote this particular poem at the bottom of this poem. I hope it resonates as a tiny high five of encouragement for those of you who may find yourself struggling with art or needing that little bit of a push to finally put yourselves out there).
in my head there is a pyre
inspiration plays the lyre
setting my fingers and hands on fire
the Canvas in front of me inquires
Will you burn me with mired hues?
Or will you turn me into a beautiful muse?
Will you finish me off in an instant or choose
to abandon me, leaving me half blank, half bruised
with colors you mixed in a wishing well
starting a story you never intended to tell?
I stare blankly at the Canvas, and fail
to speak, these were all very important questions
yet I could only provide weak answers in a meek voice
I could make the choice to cover you in
mahoganies and yellows
Let them mix, and call, and echo
Let them whisper a thousand words that go
in one ear and out the other, like wind blows
through the tunnels of our minds, you shouldn’t
be concerned with the condition in which others will
find you, because between those fine lines of
being half undone and half finished –
People will find a divine source of inspiration
Within the flaws you believe to be blemishes
So I ask you, and ask even of myself to not fear
And to not hesitate with where ever the pen or brush
Decides to steer and guide us, because in the end
It will be the fire that lights the pyre
That takes us to the end of our journey –
So let’s try to go there with truth in our sight
Without fighting and contemplating over how others
may choose to judge us and see us – our justice
resides within taking our truth and believing in
it the way it believes in us
This particular poem is a hot mess of a stream of words trying to convey a very difficult yet important truth we all must face as artists – to try to stay true to ourselves, to honor our unique individual forms of expression without concern or fear of not fitting into watered down standards. There is no way to determine what beauty truly is – because where one may see beauty, others may see ugliness. so it is best to be brave and show everything – even parts of us that are vulnerable – even parts of us that are still a work in progress.
Think of watercolors – the way the drops of water highlighted with pigments crash and collide with one another, creating messy yet beautiful puddles and shapes – I truly believe that is what our mind looks like, when we are mixing and matching our words, trying to find a saturation of emotion and contrast of mind in order to output something that somewhat resembles a fleeting glimpse of our souls.
Each and every time, we throw something artistic out into the universe – we might feel a sense of satisfaction … but it’s never completely whole – and it’s important that we accept that no piece of work will ever give us complete satisfaction because we are not built in a way to actually create “perfect” pieces – and it’s in this that we can find comfort – we can find comfort knowing that we are like a cracked vessel (or even shattered pottery) where something can always stream in, reshape us, recondition us, and inspire us in different ways.
We will always be exposed to different currents and paths we can choose or not choose to follow or push against – and as long as we try to create art regardless of directions, that art will be exactly what someone needs, somewhere else that eventually needs to see that on their journey. I could keep going but this is becoming way too loaded with metaphors and so on … don’t even get me started on the comma-spliced and run-on sentences.
Thanks as always for reading. Please feel free to share your thoughts and stories in the comments. I’d love to hear from you. 🙂
-Brianna, AKA Tiny Fawns