The 7th Day

May 2017 – 31 Day Blog Challenge
Theme: Pet Peeves

Real talk.

Honestly, my pet peeve is just internalized misplaced resentment I have against myself involving control/anger. I often encourage others to come to terms with what they consider flaws or negative characteristics about themselves because I truly believe those qualities of our shadow selves are meant to make us stronger and more compassionate empaths in our lives.

Yet I often to struggle to take my own medicine – at times if I find my patience running thin or something sets me off, I never express it externally – I always internalize it because I always push myself in the corner with the reason “all of your negative emotions are actually not directly caused by other people or things, but with how you choose to react or let go of those situations.” So I always hold it in and appear silent and unmoved on the outside even though my head is spinning faster and crazier than the hexagonal storm on Saturn’s north pole on the inside.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a great way to really choose one’s battles in life – in healthy moderation depending on each and every situation. I have been living and thinking this way since childhood. But as you know, there needs to be a balance between how much one chooses to internalize and externalize any source of negativity – and my balance is heavily polarized toward internalization – I will struggle, strive, rationalize, and reason every which way, method, and angle I can before I place blames on external factors – mostly to avoid ever having to paint someone in a negative light (look up the INFJ “Door Slam”).

But as I have grown older, I have become much more reasonable and forgiving of myself – I have always understood that yes, negativity can come from external influences and sometimes one just can’t help those situations – but I would always get down on myself because in my mind, I’m raking over ways I can try to guide or steer the situation in a direction that balances and comes to a positive resolve and if I cannot do that personally, I feel I have failed in my attempts to be a morally and ethically reliable individual.

So in brief, my pet peeve(s) center around the relationship between control/patience and how my internalization of everything negative occasionally warps and breaks down my ability to accept that a lot of the things in the world are simply out of my control and my lack of acceptance of this facts often lights the short fuse of my patience. 

Credits in the image. Feel free to participate and link back with your responses to the challenge!

As always, thank you for stopping by and reading.

Tiny Fawns is a poetry journal with occasional art work. 
I recently decided to participate in this challenge so that my followers and anyone who ventures into Tiny Fawns Land can have a clearer picture of who I am, what I do, etc etc.
I rarely if ever blog outside of poetry, so for you followers who follow me strictly for poetry, I hope you will be gracious for the month of May to see a daily update from me that is not poetry. 🙂 I will of course be continuing my daily updates of poetry in addition to this.

-Brianna Dawn, AKA Tiny Fawns

A Spider’s Trials, Misunderstood

our minds curl away from them like
smoke of candle fire, how did we come to believe
spiders to be fearful little eight-eyed demons not
to be trusted, casted into the same shadows as
liars and other villains we shrink away from,
turning our face away from – thinking of their
webs as mosquito and fly slums and graveyards
yet their webs aren’t woven of lies but our warped
perception of what we fail to accept as true –
they are merely creatures writing riddles between
leaves of trees, fence posts, and mailboxes
artists catching the morning dew on their canvas,
catching the sun many times over on
the lines they have spun – struggling to undo
the lies we convinced ourselves of when in
fact we are the master weavers of the deception
that has been done

fog & gold

light and dark come together
not to make grey, but to burn bright
with a golden dust that settles across
the heart of the sky, making trees
bow their heads, blushing while
pulling their scarves off, tossing them
to the ground, becoming fog and dewdrops
coating the grass and reeds
standing, waiting for the sun
to bring that gold into a soft sea blue

backdated Post A Day Poem – for March 29th, 2017.

dead soils; dry fuel

bending ourselves to a
breaking point, stretching
the joints of our brains to
rework our limits, our boundaries
redrawn to encompass everyone’s
and one’s own expectations
within them, how can we
push our progress to the end
when our fuel runs dry?
sometimes we mistake the paths
of destruction by claiming they are
bettering ourselves, even if they
have taken away the sky
below our feet, leaving us
stumbling along dead soil on
desolate grounds in defeat

written by Tiny Fawns for daily prompt: better