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Posts tagged ‘Solitude’

sad carbonara

the cook gave a long
hard unhappy look
at the empty plate
knowing it was
her fate
to make a dinner
for two
for just one
alone
just a me
without a
you

The 2nd Day

May 2017 – 31 Day Blog Challenge
Theme: Twenty Facts about Me
(This ended up a lot more longwinded and thought provoking then I intended for this to become. But it really is a good starting place that tickles at the corners of my mind of what I usually find myself contemplating about.)


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A picture I took of some lovely ducks last month at the Australia Zoo. 


  1. I am fascinated with the power of words and how they can be utilized to reveal, manipulate, hide, distort, emphasize, or sweep under the table truths about existence and how we are conditioned to seek those truths or turn a blind eye to them.
  2. I believe the “after life” is unknown on a large scale because humanity is caught up in the struggle of finding the one singular answer existence must “obey” when in fact there isn’t just one answer. There are as many answers to what “after life” is as there are living beings in this “existence.” The “after life” is what each person chooses to believe in during their own journeys of their lives. If someone chooses to believe there is “nothing”, then they will be “nothing” (which is interesting, because there is always “something” left behind … which leads me to my next point…)
  3. I don’t believe in “Nothing.” Every innovative breakthrough or thought we have is not innovative, unique, or special. It was already there, waiting to be discovered. In this I find great comfort, that there will always be “Something”, and those “Somethings” may forever be out of the grasp of our understanding.
  4. I strongly dislike small talk. While small talk is the norm and I do see the merit of using small talk as tiny stepping stones to get to know people, I personally like to start at the core – I’m not here to chisel away slowly from the outside of a person when I could dive in deep and see what gets people’s hearts ticking or unnerves and unravels their minds. I’d rather know from the get-go if this is someone I can be lifelong friends with instead of wasting time on hollow cordialities (one of the many curses of being a solitary INFJ – we are introverted, deep thinkers with only 1% of the population in the world fitting into our personality types.)
  5. On the flip-side, I can be vain and lighthearted. I enjoy indulging in pop culture and materialistic things. I’d just rather start off with the deep stuff – and then once I know I have a loyal, trustworthy friend – then I’ll goof off and be a dumb-ass with them.
  6. Everything about me leads back to music, art, and poetry. Everything I create, think, or do I try to do in a way that sparks an internal flame to keep my heart beating fresh with hope for life and my mind thirsty for knowledge and learning to keep my interactions with people as open-minded, generous, compassionate, and understanding as possible. I refuse to take any other path in life that silences this creativity, this respect for imagination and thinking, this need for keeping my thoughts and soul moving. As a result, I can only ever see myself as being a teacher or working in the arts.
  7. I am far more eloquent with writing but I tend to trip and ramble over my own words when speaking. I blame this gap in the fact that growing up as an INFJ, I never really “practiced” speaking since I reserved speaking with few close friends and family but was always immersed in books, arts, and writing.
  8. If I think too hard about all of the objects we are able to see with “human” vision, it starts to unsettle my mind. Think about it – everything has symmetry or patterns. Everything can be broken down into balanced proportions. Windows. Blades of grass with perfect cell walls. Flower petals. Ripples of Water. Saturn Rings. Rainbows. Everything has balance, even the “stuff” we think is organic without a geometric form. And then to add on top of this the knowledge that other animals do not have the same vision as we do and are capable of seeing things we do/don’t makes everything all the more intriguing and even intimidating.
  9. The history of color, especially primary colors – is fascinating to me. This ties a lot into language and qualia. If you are not familiar with qualia (explanatory gap) – take this example: if we saw a red apple, we would both say it is red. But how do I know that your red is the same as my red? There is an explanatory gap in which we find ourselves in because we cannot really prove if we are seeing the exact same red. How does this tie into history and color? Well, there is scientific research exploring how language shapes what we can see and can’t see in terms of color. This article here goes into great detail – give it a gander – definitely an interesting cup of tea for you all!
  10. Whenever I eat food, I tend to start thinking of how we are carbon just eating other carbon.
  11. Speaking of eating, I dislike eating in public places. I think while restaurants are lovely places for get-togethers, I almost always opt out of them because I’d rather just eat simply and cheaply at home. I don’t need a luxurious menu with aesthetically prepared foods. I can eat homemade salads, fruits, and veggies for the rest of my life and be perfectly content with it.
  12. While dating proves advantageous, wonderful, and life-changing for others, for me personally, I don’t believe it to be a possibility in my life. Why? The things I like to do in public, such as going to bookstores, hiking, visiting parks, exploring the outdoors, traveling are things I prefer to do in complete solitude at my own pace so that I can delve into my art, writing, and meditation. The place where I would feel most comfortable to be with another person is at home, where I can just relax with someone away from the tensions and business of people whirring like machines around us – but unfortunately, there is still a taboo surrounding people moving “too fast” in relationships since those initial dating stages start with trivialities and dining .. and as I’ve already mentioned … I just can’t function with those things and despise them.
  13. Fortunately, I am very strong and confident in my journey and find solitude to be healthy and rewarding. It has brought me and continues to bring me renewed and refreshing paths to explore as I become more and more of who I am meant to be and as I continue to learn that who I am meant to be is someone who should always be in a constant state of learning, change, acceptance, and adaptation. If I ever find someone who walks paths parallel to mind, I’ll snatch them up for the adventures. But up until this point in time, I have not met anyone on this particular plane of thought but I know they are out there – we just haven’t met yet because they are also on their own super-solitary paths.
  14. Knowing that we often forget what we dream about can sometimes be upsetting for me because dreams to me are valuable insight into what qualities and situations inside and surrounding us need to be confronted in order to live healthier and more positively.
  15. Anyone who scoffs at another person’s beliefs if that person uses those beliefs in way that exercises compassion or helps them grow as a person really sets me off and I want to metaphorically set them on fire. Who are they to negatively judge a decision someone else made for themselves that has helped them to live in a way that lifts themselves up and to be more in harmony with others? It’s completely fine to agree to disagree. People can live side by side with differences – it’s when people choose to lash out scale those differences in a negative/invalidating manner that we start to run into defense mechanisms, hatred, prejudice, and violence.
  16. Light/Dark. Night/Day. Introvert/Extrovert. Happy/Sad. We tend to understand things when comparing or contrasting, associating things in some sort of binary concept. I wonder if we will ever reach a level of intelligence that breaks from this and brings in a whole new language of concepts to add to the way we perceive reality. What about the outliers surrounding light/dark and what could be found in between, above or below? Now I just sound like a Conspiracy Keanu meme.
  17. My favorite memes are the Conspiracy Keanu memes. 
  18. I have traced my lineage/ancestry back as early as the 1500s to Moravia/Bohemia and Scotland on my mother’s side. I do not know about my biological father’s side because I have not seen him since I was 3 or 4 years old and don’t really know anything about him.
  19. When I was a child my dream job was to become an Egyptologist. To this day, becoming an Egyptologist or even just returning for an MA in Ancient Egyptian History would be amazing. But at the same time, I have also always been fascinated with Astrobiology and Planetary Science – the problems of being a geek for knowledge.
  20. I love Tarot and I am a Celtic Pagan, just to toss those things out in the universe and to end on a smaller note.

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This is the challenge I’m currently participating in for the month of May. Credits are in the image. Feel free to participate. 


As always, thank you for stopping by and reading.
Tiny Fawns is a poetry journal with occasional art work. 
I recently decided to participate in this challenge so that my followers and anyone who ventures into Tiny Fawns Land can have a clearer picture of who I am, what I do, etc etc.
I rarely if ever blog outside of poetry, so for you followers who follow me strictly for poetry, I hope you will be gracious for the month of May to see a daily update from me that is not poetry. 🙂 I will of course be continuing my daily updates of poetry in addition to this.

-Brianna Dawn, AKA Tiny Fawns

moon’s cold shoulders

sometimes i lift my face to the moon and wonder
if she feels vulnerable – since she never really looks
up and we see her downcast face, does she feel
safer during the new moon, when the sun cannot
place his light across her cheeks, exposing her cold shoulders
and silence to all of the earth animals below
or is the glow of the full moon, her slowly warming
up to show us her charms – when she realizes our dreams
and wishes we toss to her and the stars are meant to
do no harm

____
written by Tiny Fawns for daily prompt: unravel

hearts on sleeves

our hearts feel pain
when we try to wear
them on our sleeves
because they rip and tear
when our love starts to grieve
under the weight of our
heartaches that stack up
in our ribcages, an ugly
picture of loneliness within
a skeletal frame, the pressure
builds up, lungs can’t breathe in
voices can’t let it out
and then we are
never the same

smoke and rain

ten fingers, all pointing back at me
lit up, like the ends of cigarettes
burning me
i use five of them to write,
turning myself inside out,
using the other five to hold down
the paper as it writhes about,
the words shout at the top of their lungs
all kinds of trivial things, masking
the truth that sinks to the bottom
of my heart,
returning to me, rattling down my ribs,
ladder rungs
my eyes smoke, and my brain the milky fog
haunting the heads of ponds and lakes
making dogs whimper and run home,
climbing under coffee tables
to escape the rain

____
written by Tiny Fawns for daily prompt: ten

timber

the sunlight – washed, rung out by the winter cold
you drug in the nicotine from your cigarette, it
rumbled inside your skeleton, turning over the engine
getting it to run, spitting out the exhaust of
20 years of tar clattering around in your frozen lungs

tree branches popped off tree trunks, leaping like
rifle gun shots into the air, birds scramble from
the tree tops, scared chatter from their lips
slip across the ice and fade into the frost
our eyes stopped, lost in vacant stares

cold; something —

you couldn’t ask me why i turned  my nose up to the moon,
to watch the stars twist past as something, a dull sound
begins to crawl, it grows slowly out of my mouth, a bloom
of words, i’ll pick the petals off one by one, blowing out
a deep breath, snuffing out the melody i send your way
with a plume of smoke, it slows, settling in the snow
collecting my heartbeats on the tips of numb fingers
clutching in my palm, friction, warming up,
my soul now tiny suns, undoing the wrinkles in my palm
lifeline, touching the night, giving rise
to something like a tiny hope resting
somewhere in someone’s eyes